I see it all the time…a shocked husband or wife has just been told by his or her spouse that they want a divorce. When the spouse seeking the divorce tells the shocked husband or wife that they want a divorce, they give that spouse a separation agreement prepared by their attorney. The spouse seeking the divorce tells the shocked spouse how nice it would be if they could work things out without going to court. Or, the spouse seeking divorce threatens the shocked spouse with requests for a lot of child support, spousal support, or both. The spouse seeking the divorce may threaten the shocked spouse that he or she might not get to see the kids as much as he or she would like. The shocked husband or wife is susceptible to the ideas…the terms of the agreement don’t look too bad…there is language in the agreement about how the parties are going to cooperate concerning the raising of the children and that they are going to have “reasonable visitation with the children as agreed to by the parties”. The child support looks about right. The shocked spouse thinks they can afford it. The shocked spouse thinks it is the right thing to do to agree to pay college expenses. The shocked spouse doesn’t want to be one of those divorcees who spends a lot of money fighting over the kids. The shocked spouse is well educated. The shocked spouse starts to think they can read and figure out the agreement on their own. The shocked spouse may even think the breakdown of the marriage was their fault and that they should make amends in the agreement. The shocked spouse may even believe that the other spouse would never take advantage of them. The shocked spouse decides to sign the agreement because they think it is the best thing to do. Talking to an attorney is too expensive anyway. The shocked spouse…..
Should stop…
take a deep breath…
and talk to a lawyer.
I see it all the time. The spouse seeking the divorce may have something to hide. The spouse seeking th divorce may have engaged in some wrongdoing that would prevent them from getting custody of the kids and they want to sweep the wrong doing under the rug by getting a favorable settlement. The child support in the agreement may not be justified by Virginia’s child support guideline. There could be many things wrong with the agreement that the shocked spouse won’t discover until it is too late.
You can still settle a divorce case without a great deal of expense and fighting, but first, talk to a lawyer. Let the lawyer do his or her due diligence and then settle…when the shock has worn off and you are in a better place. Settle when you have a better idea about what may really be going on in the marriage. Looking back on it, there might have been some signs of adultery. The spouse seeking the divorce might have hidden income or financial assets. Settle when you know how much you really have to pay in child support and whether or not you might be liable for spousal support. Settle when you know whether or not you are liable to pay college expenses in Virginia.
Knowledge is power in divorce proceedings and it is much better to get it right the first time because you may not get a second chance. Or, your second chance may cost a lot more than doing it right the first time around. Don’t forget…an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure. Talking to a lawyer at the outset can keep you from ever having to pay for those pounds of cure.
-Rob Hagy, Divorce Attorney.
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